Woo Freakin' Who!!!!

Ok so I hadn't weighed in a while I fig I really hadn't lost anything else since I am now back on reg food...... not that I have not followed the plan. But I just fig it was inevitable. Well I weighed and I am down another 1.6 lbs!!!!! That is 16.6 lbs total since April 5th :) and it has been so easy! I know it will not always be that way but I really have not been hungry. Today at work someone told me I needed to get some new jeans because the ones I was wearing were way to big!!! She knows I have had surgery and has had gastric bypass herself but it still made me feel good. I have been thinking for awhile that I needed to try on a smaller size pair of jeans. We all know those of us that battle our weight have multiple sizes hanging in our closets. When I came home I decided to try on the next smaller size of jeans. I grabbed a pair and it just happen that they are a size smaller but I have NEVER been able to wear them!!! I ordered them a couple of years ago and at the time I was the size on the label. But when they came in they didn't fit they were too small even though they had my size on the label. I started to put the jeans back in the closet and pull out another pair but I didn't I thought " at least try it.... what do you have to loose? If they don't fit put them back and try another pair " THEY FIT!!!! THEY FIT!!!! OMG THEY FREAKIN FIT!!!!!! It is little things like this that make it easy to stick with this and keep on going. I feel very blessed. I have been "morbidly obese" for years and other than my hip issue I have not had any health issues related to my weight. I know I am lucky as there is a HUGE long list out there of issues that I statistically "should" have at least one of and don't. I feel like I am taking my life back and it is going to be better than ever!!!!

The daily grind

Today it was back to the daily grind. My first day back at work went pretty good. I got there by 6am ( and then found out later that I didn't have to be ) Most of my day was spent in meetings. I forgot in the 4mos I was away how crazy they are about meetings. I was able to get my jeans on. They were already baggy on me due to the box project I have been working on and moving all those 45lb boxes around. They fit fine in the waist ..... I am sure they would have been loose if I wasn't still swollen from surgery. The two lowest incisions that I have ( one on each side ) are not on my waistline so they were not effected by the jeans. I did put extra padding over the incisions like I said before putting on a bra was on of the things that has been wigging me out. But all went well. I made my protein shake before I left the house and drank it on the way to work. I put in my protein shot to make sure I got it in for the day. This is the way I plan to do it so I make sure and get in the add 45g protein everyday. I packed stuff for another protein shake during the day, including the small blender I got to take to work. It is cool. The cup you blend in is the cup you drink out of. Nice and handy :). I also packed 1/2 Cup low fat cottage cheese and 6oz low fat yogurt. I did great getting my H2O in. I was able to get my full days requirement in while at work. Late morning I ate my cottage cheese and pulled away from my desk over by the window ( I work on the 4th floor ) and turned my back to the floor so I could concentrate on my small bites and chew, chew, chew plus plenty of time between bites. That and the H2O held me over until I got home when I made another protein shake. I stopped by Target on the way home and picked up a few things. For dinner I had 1/2 Cup chicken tortilla soup that I put in the blender and pulverized.......it was YUMMY :) I had planned to fix Jonathan dinner but he said he wanted pizza and ordered himself a philly steak pizza from domino's. I sat right next to him eating my tortilla soup and it didn't even bother me that he was eating pizza!!!! I am sure it will not always be this way but hey I will take what I can get. I am pretty tired but the day went really good... I "might" have an issue with a sabotager at work but at this point I am going to give her the benefit of doubt. If it doesn't get better we will have to have a talk.

One-Five

I got on the scales this am ( 9 days post-op ) and I am down 15lbs!!! What ?!?! That can't be. I got back on the scales..yep still showing 15lbs. I don't see how this is possible. I know I haven't been eating that much but still that is a hell of a lot to loose in such a short time. Not that I am complaining mind you .... but scared that once I really start eating I will put weight back on. I know that it is normal that I will fluctuate but not something I want to happen.

The bra

If you have read any of the previous posts your aware I am afraid to put on regular clothes. Mostly my bra! I have incisions that go right across the area that by bra band will be and I do not want to mess them up or cause any issues. Plus the thought just sounds painfull and not appealing.Well I HAVE to go back to work tomorrow and of course I have to wear a bra to do so. This afternoon I decided to stop being so stupid and such a baby and just put the damn thing on!!! So I find one of the two bras I own that do not have underwires and decide to go for it. I do the hook in front twist to the back move when I put my bra on so.... I get that done and then start wigging over having to twist. That doesn't seem like it will be very good ?!? I pull the band as high up as I can and start twisting. Takes me a while because I am being so STUPID but I finally get it twisted around and pull up the shoulder straps ...... and I have it on wrong side out!!!! But hey I got it on. I took it right back off though. I will put some extra padding over the incisions tomorrow before I put it on and hope all goes well. This will of course be at 5 freakin' 'oclock am. I have to be at work in Dallas by 6am. Which I hate but the getting off at 3 in the afternoon is going to be awesome :)

A funny but true food story

Ok so Monday 4/5/10 the day of my pre-op appointment I am sitting in the parking lot waiting to go upstairs to the Dr's office. I got there a little early because I wanted to make sure I was on time and I didn't know how the traffic was going to be. Anyway, I decided to go ahead and write out my check because I had to give them my check today to pay for the surgery , testing etc. I pull out my checkbook and the check that is starring me in the face has a chocolate truffle in the corner by my name and written across the check in the background is the word "Indulge" .....NEXT....I am not going to write that check to the weight loss Dr. The next check was not any better it had a piece of chocolate cake by my name and said "Bliss" written across the background...AHH NO!! NEXT... Ice Cream sundae with the word "Delicious" ok I only had one more option it would have to do..... a chocolate covered strawberry and the word "Decadent" ok that was going to have to do plus I figured it was the lesser of the evils. Did I mention earlier how much my life was tied to food that I really never stopped and thought about? Of course I got the checks originally because they reminded me of Scrapbook Paper. Pale pink background with polka dots in brown, green and the word written in the background.... but still FOOD! I gave the receptionist the check and she didn't say a thing. It still made me laugh. I guess I will have to find some new "skinny" checks

One Week Post-Op 4/16/10

For the most part I feel back to normal physically. The stabbing pain in my left shoulder comes and goes but it is nothing like it was. I still haven't left the house and am still wigged-out about putting on clothes but I don't have a choice soon I have to go back to work. I had not planned to take this much time off from work. But I think it has been the best thing for me to do so. Plus when I go back I have to be at work at 6:00am in Dallas which means I am getting up at 4:00ish and I will also be going back and working with a group of people I have never met. I can not imagine burping and tooting in front of them all day! I sure hope all or most of that has passed before I go back on Monday. I started reading Khalia Ali's book today Fighting Weight. She is one of Mohammed Ali's daughters and has walked the same "Long and Winding Road" with her weight. She also has had lap band surgery. So far I am really liking it. Someone on the lapband.com website recommended it. Pat (my fiance) came over tonight and I asked him to bring me some "soft" foods ( I still haven't left the house ) He picked me up some low fat yogurt, sugar free pudding and low fat cottage cheese. He also got me a Wii!!!!!!! I said several weeks ago that I would like to have one to get moving and have fun at the same time. Plus they have a Wii Fit that I want to do, and he bought it for me !!!!! What a great surprise. It was very sweet of him and a great way to show his support for me. He said he will play the games with me too. Jonathan (my youngest son) said they are too boring for him. We sat down and ate and I had to really concentrate on small bites, chew, chew, chew ... put my spoon down and wait enough time between bites. I finally bit the bullet and ate some yogurt and cottage cheese I mashed up with a fork. It is going to take me awhile to get used to eating like this. I am so used to just shoveling it in. Another thing I am going to have to get used to is not drinking with my meals. That is gonna be a tough one. He picked himself up a salad at Target while he was there. It looked really good. Romaine lettuce, Grilled chicken breast with strawberry quarters, blueberries, 2 goat cheese slices and poppy seed dressing. I sure hope I am able to eat salad. Some banders can and some banders can't it just depends on the person. I LOVE salad and it is good for you ( as long as you don't drown it in fattening dressing ) I really hope it will not be a food I have an issue with.

Day 6 Post-op 4/15/10

I took my measurments today but I am not ready to share that on this blog. I will keep that info in the personal written journal I am keeping. Let's just say SCARY!!!!! Today I am able to start a "soft" diet. But guess what ?!? Yep this freaks me out!!! I know it is crazy but it does. It is almost 3:00 in the afternoon and I haven't tried anything. Yesterday for the most part the shoulder pain wasn't that bad but today it has come back with a vengance!!! I got up to walk around and see if I could get some of the gas out and decided to try and pick up the kitchen a bit. One of the things cluttering up the island in the kitchen was my TvFood Magazine. It made me stop and realize how much of my life is tied/connected to food in one way or another. I finally got the courage tonight to try some "soft" food. I tried some malt-o-meal. I got out my "Bozo" spoon from childhood and went for it. In my fear I got the malt-o-meal too watery and ended up throwing most of it out. Not a successful 1st attempt. The "Bozo" spoon made me think of my childhood at my grandparents house so I called and told Bampa the story. He of course cracked up!! He said he would tell Nana and I am sure she cracked up too. Funny how I am using the spoon that I first learned how to eat with to learn how to eat in my "new" life. I ended up making a capuccino protein shake. Today was the first day really that I felt pretty much back to myself.

Day 4 Post-Op 4/13/10

I woke up this morning exhausted. I did not sleep well last night. I kept feeling a pull in my port area every time I would move and just could not get comfortable. My stomach is still very swollen and tender and I am still getting that damn shoulder pain from the gas. I made my protein shake this am and put the protein shot in the shake before blending it up. Those things are just too nasty to drink on their own. The shake wasn't as good as usual but I was able to get it down and that is a much easier way for me to get the protein shot down than trying to get it down on it's own. The shot has 45g protein so I really need to figure out a way to work them into my day especially now since I am on all liquids. I weighed this am and I am down 10lbs which is totally crazy to me!!!! I haven't been hungry at all. But my stomach is still swollen from the surgery. The band does not have any restriction in it at this point so once the swelling of my stomach starts to go down I will start getting hungry. It will be a while before I get my 1st file and I will be on sheer will power until then. It is very important that I follow Dr. Carter's diet because during this first part after surgery it is important for the band/stomach to heal and also that I do not stretch out the small pouch he has made while it is in the healing process. So far that has not come anywhere to being an issue but like I said I am still swollen from the surgery. I feel like a caterpillar who has gone into the cocoon stage and is waiting to emerge as a beautiful butterfly! I have been wanting a tramp stamp tat for years but would not do it until I got thin/normal weight. I think when I get there and I get the tramp stamp I am going to have to incorporate a butterfly into the design somehow as a symbol of my journey.

Jonathan thinks that I am taking "the easy way out" by having the lap band surgery. I don't see how he can think that. There is NOTHING easy about this...... going thru surgery, having nothing but liquids/soft food for weeks. This a tool . I will still have to change what and how I eat and will have to start and exercise program. This is not a "quick fix" there is a lot of emotional change that will go along with this as well. I will no longer be able to turn to food as a comfort etc. I truly believe that people who are morbidly obese have a disease/addiction with food just like and alcoholic or a druggie only we HAVE to eat... we can not get away from our "drug of choice" I wish he didn't think this was the easy way out but I know he doesn't understand and thank God that he doesn't I would never want either of the boys to have to struggle with their weight the way I have.

One of the things I was dreading giving up was my Starbucks Frapuccinos. But one of the protein powders I got is Cappuccino flavored and it is YUMMY!!! I mixed it up with my low fat milk, some ice cubes and whalaa I now have my own version that is good for me :)

Day 3 Post-Op 4/12/10

I was finally able to poop today. I was starting to get freaked out. I know my system has gone into shock a bit from surgery but still. Sometimes the intestine does not wake up after anesthesia and this can be an issue.I have also heard this can be a problem with lap banders because fibrous things can cause issues with the band depending on what they are. I had mom stop by the store on her way home yesterday and get me some benefiber so I can start putting that in either my water or my protein shakes.

On another good note I weighed today and I am down 9lbs!!! I am having mixed emotions today. I am excited about the future and the new me but at the same time scared to death. What if I don't make it? What if I spent all this $ and I FAIL!! What if I have some kind of complication? I am afraid to put on clothes. I have been hanging in a tank shirt and my panties. I am really freaked about putting on a bra. I have 3 incisions right between and slightly below my breast right where my bra strap will be. I do not want anything rubbing on the incisions and possibly causing them to get infected. Still having bad shoulder pain and a lot of gas. I am also terrified of loosing my hair. My hair has been thinning already. It started about the time I hit 35. I really don't need anymore help in that department. It is common for WLS ( weight loss surgery ) patients to loose hair approx 3-6mos out due to the shock to their system of the surgery. Protein and biotin is supposed to help. Getting up and down is still and issue although not quite as sore.

Day 2 Post-Op 4/11/10

I woke up feeling a little better not as sore but still have the stabbing pain in my shoulder. Today I did try some chicken broth but I am really not hungry and am having to force myself to get in the fluids. I did manage to gather the courage to take my meds today normal and the Prozac went down without any issues. I am still sleeping on and off. But the pain hasn't been as bad today so I haven't had to take any pain meds until bedtime.

Day 1 Post Op

Today was pretty bad. I woke up VERY sore and didn't want to move. I really didn't feel like drinking today either and never got hungry. I did get down a protein shake. It was pretty good really. I took my meds although the Prozac I was afraid to take in the capsule form so I opened it and poured the powder in my mouth. That stuff is NASTY!!! But I was afraid it wouldn't go down otherwise. I also got down one of the protein shots. Those are pretty nasty too! Did I mention I was VERY sore?!? My shoulder was really bad too but I kept taking the gas-x and would get up and walk. Finally I was able to get some gas out but I still have the pain in my shoulder.
Dr. Carter's instructions for today said I was to take the coverings off my incisions while leaving the steri-strips alone and take a shower washing the incision area with antibacterial soap. This freaked me out and I was scared to do this as well. I don't think I mentioned this previously but I have never had surgery before. So EVERYTHING at this point is freaking me out. By mid-afternoon I gathered up enough courage to do it and got in the shower. Most of today was spent sleeping, taking the pain medicine and making myself get up and walk and drink my fluids.

" I can't believe I get to get rid of my double chin!!! "

We woke up early and Pat went down for breakfast after he got ready. I got ready while he was gone because I was not able to eat of course. After breakfast we headed for the surgery center http://www.prestonwoodsurgery.com/ I signed in and we waited... and waited...and waited.Finally they called my name. I gave him a kiss said goodbye and followed the nurse thru a set of double doors. She had me pee in a cup and put on my gown taking EVERYTHING else off. I wore jeans because I did not want to wear my pj bottoms into the surgery center not really knowing what to expect. She gave me a bag and I put all of my clothes into the bag and got on the bed. She took my blood pressure 126/84 and then set me up for my IV. I remember her telling me that " this is going to be the worst part of your day" When she said it I thought yeah right.... you do know I'm having surgery? Putting in the IV set up was NOT fun it did hurt and still bothered me for awhile after she was done. She said my "husband" could come and wait with me until they took me in and asked me what his name was. I did not correct her and say he was my fiance I just said " Patrick" the anesthesiologist stopped by to go over some ?s with me as well. He said he would be in the operating room with me and would be back in a bit to give me something to help me relax. Not too long after that Pat showed up. He said when the nurse first called out "Patrick" he didn't think it was him she was calling because as far as he knew there would be no reason for her to be calling him. Then she called out " Mr. Darby" and he knew he was the person she was calling. My insurance is under my maiden name of Darby..story for another time. Anyway, Pat and I sat there and talked and watched the fishing channel while waiting for them to come and take me off. The anesthesiologist showed up and said he was going to start happy hour early with a margarita and put something in my IV he told Pat to say bye because I was going to be feeling it quick. Then I started heading down the hall to the operating room. Next thing I remember they were waking me up after surgery. I had to get in a wheelchair and bring my IV pole with me while they wheeled me to x-ray to ck the band. I had to sit there and slowly swallow barium while they watched to make sure my band was in the right spot and everything was working correctly before letting me go. Then I was taken back to change into my close and head home. They wheeled me out, Pat went and got the car and we were off. I really don't remember much going home other than Pat asking if it was ok to stop and get something to eat. Bless his heart he had not had anything to eat or drink since breakfast that am. He stopped at KFC and got some lunch and then we stopped by Sonic for some of their ice. There ice is perfect for sucking on after surgery. The rest of the afternoon after getting home was a bit of a blur. I remember him helping me into bed and crawling up there with me and we watched The Bucket List I saw most of it but I was in and out. He would tell me every now and again I needed to get up and walk and also do my respiratory treatment. I would walk to the kitchen get some ice chips, change out the ice pack, take a few laps around the island and back to bed. I really didn't have any pain I was just bloated and tired. Mom stopped by later ( she had been with my grandparents in Arlington all day because my grandmother, Nana, had been scheduled for surgery the same day ) Once mom got there I sent Pat home I know he had a busy day and he did an AWESOME job of taking care of me. Mom brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Pink and white roses with oriental lilies and filler. Stacy came over after work and she was going to be staying the night with me since she had been there and knew how I would be feeling and what I would be needing etc. She brought me flowers as well a gorgeous arrangement of roses that looked perfect with the colors in my bedroom ... Mom stayed for awhile and then headed on home. Stacy and I watched Bride Wars but at some point I fell asleep. When I woke up I told Stacy to go home. I was feeling fine and really didn't need her to stay. I was sleeping on and off most of the day and in between sipping my clear liquids and sucking on ice chips. I had already filled the prescriptions Dr. Carter gave me earlier in the week. Something for nausea ( which I had non of ) and antibiotic to cut down the risk of infection after surgery and my pain meds. I did not use any pain meds until I went to bed that night. I slept on and off that night. I am a side sleeper and of course I am unable to sleep on my side. I watched The Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past in the middle of the night because I was unable to sleep. I guess it was a good thing Stacy did not spend the night she had to work the next day... Really I felt surprisingly good. The worst problem I had was the pain in my left shoulder. It feels like someone is taking a sword and stabbing it into the tip of my shoulder. I was told this is gas pains from where they had to pump gas into my shoulder for the surgery. I am taking gas-x and getting up and walking to help git rid of the gas..... I have six incisions. One is in my belly button, two right above my waits one on each side and then three right up in my sternum area. They are covered with steristrips and then have padding over that. I let Stacy out took my pain medicine and went to bed........ everything went as well as it could!!!! I made it and was on my way to my new life

Thurs 4/8/10

Ok it is the day before surgery and we are pushing like mad to finish up the last bit on the project at work. Thank God we got it completed in time. Surgery is tomorrow am and I have to be in Plano tonight. I got Pat and I a hotel room close to the surgery center so we would not have to get up super early in the am and drive to Plano on surgery day.

I went home from work packed and got ready. Still freaking out I might ad.... the freak over the surgery was starting to creep back in as well as the failure fear that was still there. Pat came and picked my up and we drove to Plano. Got checked into the hotel and went for dinner. He took me to Salt Grass. Normally I would of had their filet, salad, potatoes and bread washed down with a couple of drinks. But I didn't. One of the things that I was a little freaked out about over the surgery as well that I talked to no one about really but Stacy was a pre-op diet. I had read on the boards at http://www.lapbandtalk.com/ how many doctors prescribe a pre-op liquid diet. I had not been put on one. Stacy did not have to do one either before her surgery. The purpose is to shrink your liver. The liver has to be picked up and moved during the lap band surgery and shrinking it makes it easier to work with. Like I said I was a little freaked out by NOT having to do the pre-op diet so instead of my normal stuffing myself I opted for their grilled chicken salad and water. I did not want to have alcohol because it is so dehydrating and I knew my liquids were going to be limted the next day and the thought of drinking right before surgery was just not very appealing anyway. Pat had salmon. He eats very well and has as long as I have known him...going on 11yrs. He already looks at food as fuel and eats to live not lives to eat. I have never had this mentality in my life!!!! But my relationship with food was drastically fixing to change. I know he will be a great help in that area plus it is a blessing that he does eat this way and prefers to eat this way because that will make this so much easier for me. Can you imagine if he was one of those meat and potato guys?!? I would be in trouble. He is also not a big sweet eater which is also a plus because that is prob my biggest weakness.

We had a really nice dinner and then went back to the hotel. I had asked him to bring his camera to take a "before" shot of me because I had not gotten around to doing so. We watched the Dallas Stars whoop the Ducks and went to bed. Tomorrow was going to be a busy day!

The time is near

As it came closer and closer to the end of March I started worrying that the project was not going to get completed in time. I was already working thru my lunches and staying late on occasion doing the best I could to get it completed. When I estimated the time frame I estimated it on my work ethic.. how quickly I was working thru the boxes, not taking time off etc. That was not realistic. Most of the group I had working on the project with me were temps so of course they were taking time off here and there or calling in sick ( looking for "real" jobs I am sure ) I only had one employee on the project that actually worked for my company everyone else was temps. Anyway by the time my pre-op apt rolled around I was determined to complete the project THAT WEEK . I went for my pre-op and met with Dr. Carter watched a real video of the process ( which to be honest I could of done without... it freaked me out ) after the meeting with Dr. Carter he sent me for all my pre-op lab work. Blood test, x-rays, EKG etc. With all that completed I was well on my way.

As the time got closer I started freaking out..... what if I couldn't do this, what if it didn't work for me, what if I died!!! I am a single mom of two boys after all. I remember talking to my fiance and telling him I did not want a funeral. I want to be cremated. I also emailed my mom and Stacy that week and pretty much told them the same thing. My grandmother knows I do not want a funeral and want to be creamated but states that if I die before she does that not only will I have a funeral but an open casket funeral!!!!!!!!!! NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO I fig if I told Pat, my mom and Stacy odds were in my favor I would get what I wanted. What bothered me more that week before than worrying about not making it thru was the failing. I was and still am terrified to fail. This is a big deal and I do not want to fail. Although the odds are good and in my favor they are not 100% and much to peoples dismay this is not easy and a quick fix. You have to commit to changing your life. The band is a tool to help you not something that is going to do all the work for you. This was my biggest fear. Stacy was great at supporting me. She kept telling me I could do it. Everytime I would start to freak out she would be right there telling me I could do it.

Lap Band time

I had been researching and looking into/thinking about getting the lap band for years. Actually even before my first friend with the band got hers over 7yrs ago. But I did not want to have to resort to surgery to get the weight off. After my "aha" moments summer of '09 I knew it was time to do something. I had looked into getting into my 401k for the $ to do the procedure. Although my insurance company covered the procedure my employer had an exclusion that did not allow it. So it was on me an out of pocket expense. Now one thing I did have going for me the price of the surgery had dramatically dropped since I originally started looking into it but still had an almost 10k price tag YIKES..... My company had been bought out the previous year and it was not going to be easy for me to access the 401k $ without taking a pretty good hit which I did not want to do. I am already freaked out about having $ to retire on...... this was in the Fall of '09. Shortly after the new year I learned that the company I was currently working for would be merging the two 401k accounts so now I would be able to access the $!!!! I started looking into different doctors in the area and seminars. The doctor I went with was the same Dr who did Stacy's band. Dr. Richard Carter http://www.carterlapband.com/ I signed up for a seminar and my mom and Stacy volunteered to go with me. Unfortunately we had some bad weather ( ice/snow in Tx ) and the first seminar was cancelled. The Dr's office said they would call me when they rescheduled the seminar. A couple of weeks later they called and I signed up again. The seminar was on Wed 2/24. After we all went to dinner. My mom was not really supportive at first of me having the surgery. Actually no one in my family was and my fiance really wasn't that keen on it either. But I pretty much looked at this as my last hope. I had walked this winding road all my life and I was ready for it to hit a dead end or straighten out!!!! We talked at dinner about the seminar and stacy's experience with it etc. I still don't think my mom was very much on board but she said she was and I think at least the seminar made her feel a little better about it. I had pretty much made up my mind at that point that I was going to do it no matter what! I got a phone call from my mom not too long after the seminar saying that she understood and wanted me to be happy and live a happy life she supported me if I wanted to move forward with the surgery. I had not told anyone else in my family because I did not want to hear what they had to say. This was ultimately my decision and like I said before I knew they would not agree with it. Actually to be honest I was really surprised my mom turned around but I am sooooooo very thank-ful she did...she has been a big support as have Stacy and my fiance. Although he did not want me to have surgery due to the risks of the surgery he wants me to be happy and healthy of course and knows that with my weight the way it is not only will there be hip issues but it is just a matter of time before some other kind of medical issue pops up. At this point I am blessed. I do not have diabetes , high blood pressure, etc etc .

The only thing holding me back at this point was my job. I had been working on a special project at an different office since after Christmas and I could not do the surgery until the project was completed. The project involved me lifting boxes all day that were too heavy for me to lift after a surgery plus my boss wanted it completed yesterday. I could not drag it out. I got a little depressed at this point. It looked as if there was no end in site for the project. Not anytime in the near future anyway. But in another twist of fate we changed the way we did the process and I knew we could get it done WAY faster. I had estimated to have it completed by the end of March. I gave myself a week extra just to make sure and called Dr Carter's office to make my post-op appointment. Being a "cash" customer they did not have to jump thru the red tape of the insurance agency and could work me in without a problem. I set my pre-op for Monday 4/5/10 and my surgery for Friday 4/9/10. I was on my way!!!! FINALLY

The BIG 'ole #3

The last "aha" I had that summer was taking my son to Texas A&M to get him set up for his first year in college. I was so proud. A&M is where I had always wanted to go and here I was taking my son!!! For those of you who do not live in Texas the summers can be UNBEARABLE with the heat. So here we are in the midst of the Texas summer walking all over the A&M campus. My son was great about it though. He would just ask me now and then if I was ok and he kept his pace with mine which was slower than a turtle. I gripped and complained the whole time which I am sure totally got on his nerves as well. The "aha" moment came when we had a meeting with the Engineering students. We all met up over by Kyle Field which wasn't so bad we had several meetings there during the trip. HOWEVER after the meeting they broke the Engineering School up into their special fields : chemical, electrical etc and we would all go as a group to a different location. Our location WAS COMPLETELY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF CAMPUS!!!!!!!!!! So I not only had to walk all the way across the campus in the heat with my freakin' hip BUT I HAD TO KEEP UP WITH A GROUP OF PEOPLE there would be no going at my own pace. My son kept asking if I was ok and I lied and said that I was but really I thought I was going to die. I am serious. Not only was my hip killing me but the worst of it was my cardio. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack right there and they were going to have to call the peremedics in. I was going to TOTALLY humilate my son!!!! Several times before we made it across campus I really thought I was a gonner but I kept going as best I could. When we finally made it to the other side I was in tears... I am not kidding. My son was worried that I was ok which I wasn't really but had to go in and do the best I could. I was literally dripping sweat and needed oxygen. I sat in that classroom and fanned myself with paperwork and prayed for oxygen. I don't know how loud I was gasping for air but I am sure it was rather loud and it took quite a while for me to get back to normal. After that meeting the students were to stay and meet with their advisors and the parents were free to go. Thank God. I was able to go back across campus at my own pace. I thought I was never going to get back across campus though. I kept having to stop. I don't even remember how many times I had to stop but they were numerous. I called my best friend, Stacy ( previous successful lap bander ), and told her how pathetic I was. It was horrible and pathetic. I KNEW SOMETHING HAD TO BE DONE.... THIS SUMMER WAS SHOUTING IT AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wall hit #2

Ok the next hit with the wall also came on the cruise. Like I stated previously we were cruising to the Bahamas. One of the excursions my fiance and I had decided to do was a daily outing at the Atlantis Resort & water park. http://www.atlantis.com/ I really didn't have the normal fear of wearing a bathing suit in public because "hey I was never going to see these people again anyway so what did it matter " ? We arrived at the resort and had a 5 mile hike to get to the water park area!!!!! By the time we made it I was totally out of breath and my hip was freakin' KILLING ME!!!!!! My fiance went to find us a locker to put our stuff in. ( he also would be the one trapsing back and forth to retreave things and put things away all day .... God Bless him ) The worst of it was the fact that this place was HUGE and it seemed like everytime we would want to go somewhere we would end up in a dead end and have to backtrack and start over. After a few times of this and again me being totally out of breath and my hip killing me. I would stay where we were and he would go find the way and come back and get me. How embarassing and humiliating is that?!? Did I mention he is thin?!? He was a trooper though and did not make any complaints but I know he had to be worn out and sick of it. There was one water slide that you went down from the top of like a Mayan ruin.... as you went down there were sharks swimming in a tank below you... I wanted to do it but was afraid my big fat butt would get stuck and I would be humiliated.... also was afraid I would not be able to make it up all the stairs to get to the top to go down the slide to begin with. He did go down the slide and I waited at the bottom with the sharks. After the day was up we had another HUGE hike to get back to the resort and our ride back to the ship. On the way out we stopped to look at the aquarium that is in the resort. It is amazing but of course the whole time I was in terrible pain because again my freakin' hip. I did the best I could but know he would of liked to look around the resort and see more of what was there.... I of course couldn't which was a real shame. We both shelled out some pretty good $ for this trip. I found out later that we had missed the best part of the aquarium. :(

I NEVER want Pat, my fiance, to be put in that position again. He did not complain but I felt like shite and it was so unfair to him. Some day I hope we can go back and do it right.

Hitting the wall #1

Even though I struggled with daily hip pain and limped ( which could easily be relieved by loosing weight I am sure) I still had not "Hit the Wall" with my weight issue. Well the summer of '09 changed that.

This was the least traumatic of the 3 contacts with the wall :

I was to be in a destination wedding. A cruise to the Bahamas. My best friend ( one of the previously mentioned successful banders ) I bought a beautiful dress months before. In the largest size available of course. It looked like the dress Kate Winslet wore in Titanic only the underlying satin was a cream color and the overlying lace was black. The dress arrived in April. I tried it on and it was snug. I thought ok no biggie you have almost 2mos to loose 10-15 lbs. Well guess what that didn't happen. The day of the wedding I looked horrible! You could see every lovely roll that was only emphasized by the satin! Even though I had on my spanx control top pantyhose AND a spanx girdle thing. Not only did I look bad but I also had to wear heals. Something that I did not do because of the previously mentioned hip issue ..Music starts I have to not only walk down the aisle in heels with a neutral/happy/no pain look on my face, I also tried my best NOT to limp. I did not succeed. I was miserable the whole wedding and reception. I did not enjoy any of it and could not wait to get back to my room to get the freakin' dress etc OFF!!! This of course did not stop me from eating at the reception or taking advantage of the open bar....shocking I know... enough said. Sorry about the bad pic but I am learning how to do all this blog stuff. The original was much better and a clear pic

Wall hit #2 coming soon....

The brick wall

My weight has been a " Long And Winding Road " for just about all of my life. It started in childhood and the only time I can remember being thin/normal was briefly in high school when I hardly ate anything and exercised my butt off literally. Of course most people didn't know I was doing the exercising for the most part because most of it was done in my room alone listening to Led Zeppelin or KISS. I know this is TOTALLY stupid but I can remember having a crush on this one guy we'll call JM. It happened several times that he would call while I was doing my secret exercising so there were several times I would exercise hoping this would trigger a call. STUPID I know but yet I did it. That didn't last for long and I would say by mid-late Jr Yr I was putting it all back on. I have gained and lost the same lbs I can't even tell you how many times since.

This brings us to the future/current: WLS namely Lap Band Surgery. I was banded last Friday 4/9/10. This was not an easy choice for me and I fought it for yrs. " I could do this... I didn't need a surgery to get control of my weight " As I continued to struggle the " Long And Winding Road" I had several friends who bit the bullet and had the surgery. Even seeing their success I still "knew" I could do it w/o. Then after continuing to try for several more yrs I hit a wall last summer ( 2009 ) when I had several "aha" momments

To be continued .........