The time is near

As it came closer and closer to the end of March I started worrying that the project was not going to get completed in time. I was already working thru my lunches and staying late on occasion doing the best I could to get it completed. When I estimated the time frame I estimated it on my work ethic.. how quickly I was working thru the boxes, not taking time off etc. That was not realistic. Most of the group I had working on the project with me were temps so of course they were taking time off here and there or calling in sick ( looking for "real" jobs I am sure ) I only had one employee on the project that actually worked for my company everyone else was temps. Anyway by the time my pre-op apt rolled around I was determined to complete the project THAT WEEK . I went for my pre-op and met with Dr. Carter watched a real video of the process ( which to be honest I could of done without... it freaked me out ) after the meeting with Dr. Carter he sent me for all my pre-op lab work. Blood test, x-rays, EKG etc. With all that completed I was well on my way.

As the time got closer I started freaking out..... what if I couldn't do this, what if it didn't work for me, what if I died!!! I am a single mom of two boys after all. I remember talking to my fiance and telling him I did not want a funeral. I want to be cremated. I also emailed my mom and Stacy that week and pretty much told them the same thing. My grandmother knows I do not want a funeral and want to be creamated but states that if I die before she does that not only will I have a funeral but an open casket funeral!!!!!!!!!! NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO I fig if I told Pat, my mom and Stacy odds were in my favor I would get what I wanted. What bothered me more that week before than worrying about not making it thru was the failing. I was and still am terrified to fail. This is a big deal and I do not want to fail. Although the odds are good and in my favor they are not 100% and much to peoples dismay this is not easy and a quick fix. You have to commit to changing your life. The band is a tool to help you not something that is going to do all the work for you. This was my biggest fear. Stacy was great at supporting me. She kept telling me I could do it. Everytime I would start to freak out she would be right there telling me I could do it.