Day 4 Post-Op 4/13/10

I woke up this morning exhausted. I did not sleep well last night. I kept feeling a pull in my port area every time I would move and just could not get comfortable. My stomach is still very swollen and tender and I am still getting that damn shoulder pain from the gas. I made my protein shake this am and put the protein shot in the shake before blending it up. Those things are just too nasty to drink on their own. The shake wasn't as good as usual but I was able to get it down and that is a much easier way for me to get the protein shot down than trying to get it down on it's own. The shot has 45g protein so I really need to figure out a way to work them into my day especially now since I am on all liquids. I weighed this am and I am down 10lbs which is totally crazy to me!!!! I haven't been hungry at all. But my stomach is still swollen from the surgery. The band does not have any restriction in it at this point so once the swelling of my stomach starts to go down I will start getting hungry. It will be a while before I get my 1st file and I will be on sheer will power until then. It is very important that I follow Dr. Carter's diet because during this first part after surgery it is important for the band/stomach to heal and also that I do not stretch out the small pouch he has made while it is in the healing process. So far that has not come anywhere to being an issue but like I said I am still swollen from the surgery. I feel like a caterpillar who has gone into the cocoon stage and is waiting to emerge as a beautiful butterfly! I have been wanting a tramp stamp tat for years but would not do it until I got thin/normal weight. I think when I get there and I get the tramp stamp I am going to have to incorporate a butterfly into the design somehow as a symbol of my journey.

Jonathan thinks that I am taking "the easy way out" by having the lap band surgery. I don't see how he can think that. There is NOTHING easy about this...... going thru surgery, having nothing but liquids/soft food for weeks. This a tool . I will still have to change what and how I eat and will have to start and exercise program. This is not a "quick fix" there is a lot of emotional change that will go along with this as well. I will no longer be able to turn to food as a comfort etc. I truly believe that people who are morbidly obese have a disease/addiction with food just like and alcoholic or a druggie only we HAVE to eat... we can not get away from our "drug of choice" I wish he didn't think this was the easy way out but I know he doesn't understand and thank God that he doesn't I would never want either of the boys to have to struggle with their weight the way I have.

One of the things I was dreading giving up was my Starbucks Frapuccinos. But one of the protein powders I got is Cappuccino flavored and it is YUMMY!!! I mixed it up with my low fat milk, some ice cubes and whalaa I now have my own version that is good for me :)